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The Deluded Diva Speaks... The junction continues to malfunction

September 21, 2010

Once upon a time, there was a place in my community we called “Malfunction Junction.”
It was a sort of five-way stop - right next to the football stadium at Mississippi State University - and motorists with half a brain avoided it like the plague. People would politely stop and start, and sometimes just shut their eyes and pray they could get through the intersection in one piece.
Thankfully, the university shut it down several years ago, and replaced it with a beautiful green space for tailgaters, featuring lush flower beds and wonderful shady places to rest and rejuvenate.
I believe the bad karma from that intersection just drifted three blocks west and settled on the corner of Green and Montgomery Streets - where I live.
Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong for almost three months now. I won’t bore you with details, but it has to do with my microwave, hair dryer, hot water heater, garbage disposal and roof. All have malfunctioned to a very expensive tune.
And my truck is sounding like a concrete drill when I put it in reverse. I will just go forward until I can get it to the dealer.
Last week my satellite dish went kerfloowey and I was without television for four days. I learned to find other outlets for my time and was probably a better person for it. But the kicker came on Saturday when the modem on my computer decided it was time to check out - permanently. Well, why not? It’s football season, “piling” is what we’re used to.
I wonder what is next. Please not the air conditioner! Anything but that!
Before I worked myself into a stroke, I remember something I’d heard or read: It’s not the big tragedies in life that will kill us, it’s the little everyday glitches that will take us down.
Then I heard about a small community of less than 1,800 residents where not one single person has a problem in the world. Anxieties are nonexistent and all is peaceful and serene every day.
Oh, gee. I want to live there.
Maybe not. The community is Odd Fellows Cemetery and you can’t even get in if you don’t have a family connection.
I just checked my pulse and it’s faint, but still pumping so I guess I don’t qualify for that peaceful community just yet. Thank heavens. I still have a lot of living to do, and I might as well get used to the problems and setbacks that seep into every life since Adam and Eve messed up all those centuries ago.

Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville. She edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at

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