The Deluded Diva Speaks...My Life as a habitual 'googler'
Iâ€™m a habitual â€śgoogler.â€ť Let me clarify for those folks who havenâ€™t bought into the wonderful world of cyberspace investigation.
Google is a trusty search engine on the internet that will tell you everything you want to know about anything you want to know. Iâ€™m sure Google has destroyed the sale of encyclopedias for starving college students, plus cut down on visits to the public library.
Okay, so sometimes you canâ€™t trust everything Google tells you, but nine times out of ten, you will be enlightened. Just tread carefully.
Case in point: I googled â€śhow to freshen up a kitchen sinkâ€ť since my white porcelain vessel was looking a little peaked from a steady diet of coffee grounds, tomato sauce and green tea. I was instructed to fill the sink with a mixture of bleach and water - let it â€śmarinateâ€ť for an hour, then drain the sink and put on my sunglasses. It was unbelievably bright and shiny. I was a happy homemaker.
Hmmm, I pondered. My old claw footed bathtub needed a little freshening up too, so I repeated the process in the tub and stood back to let the recipe do the chore for me. A gallon of Clorox later, I waltzed in to find that my bath tubâ€™s interior was a blazing shade of Halloween orange! And a vase of flowers by the tub had wilted.
I googled again. Oh no, there was a warning I had overlooked that specified NEVER use chlorine bleach on any cast iron fixture. The chemical reaction can be lethal. Too late now, the dastardly deed was done, and I was feeling ill.
I rushed to the hardware store and came home with a bevy of products from Bar Keeperâ€™s Friend to 20 Mule Team Borax. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but the stain wouldnâ€™t budge. I figured it was etched on for life.
Back to the computer, I googled â€śprofessional bath tub refinishingâ€ť. None popped up in my area closer than Toledo. Whatâ€™s a girl to do when she has company coming for the weekend and her boudoir looks like 20 mud wrestlers just soaked in the tub?
Googling frantically this time, I located a website that was created for people like me who donâ€™t follow instructions properly. The solution was so simple and effective I couldnâ€™t believe it. All I had to do was spray oven cleaner over the orange stains, leave it an hour and wipe it off with a sponge.
It took two cans of EZ Off oven cleaner, but it worked like a charm. My tub is white again, but Iâ€™m wondering if itâ€™s safe to take a bath with residue of oven cleaner.
Later: I took a bath and so far my skin is still in place and my tub is sparkling. Now, Iâ€™m wondering if EZ Off might be just the thing to whiten my teeth. If you want to send flowers to me in the hospital, I donâ€™t care for carnations.
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville,. She edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement and welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com
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