After being out later than usual due to the Mississippi State football game on Saturday night, I slept in -Â instead of going to church.
About 11 a.m. I began to rally and discovered I was out of eggs.
I pulled my favorite hoodie out of the clothes dryer and rushed over to the Jitney Jungle. As long as I was there, I wandered through the store picking up a few other items.Â
Along the way, I ran intoÂ friends who had attended early church.
We chatted about the game and mundane things like the weather. I knew I was getting a lot of attention, and I wasÂ thinking it was my heretofore unnoticed effervescent personality.Â
As I waited in line, two aisles over a friend whispered as quietly as she could, pointing to her upper back.
â€śEmily, you have a bra hanging out of your hood.â€ť
At first it didnâ€™t compute. I looked at her blankly until her message reached my brain. Oh, my, God, (not a good time to call on Him, He had just played a good prank to teach me a lesson).
I reached back and pulled the wayward bra out of my hood and stuffed it into my pocket. (I wanted to throw it on the floor and stomp on it declaring â€śItâ€™s not mine!â€ť)
I glanced around frantically to see if anyone else had noticed.
EVERYONE had noticed!Â The other shoppers were practically in tears, trying to conceal their glee.Â I turned a shade of maroon that would have pleased Dan Mullen.Â
If it had been a nice frilly bra, it might have been okay, but this was one of those old serviceable models you should have thrown away before 9/11. But it was so darn comfy.Â YouÂ never expected the world to see it anyway.
Even the bag boy couldnâ€™t control his guffaws. An elderly man came over and said â€śHoney I wanted to tell you, but these days young people sometimes wearÂ their underwear outside.â€ť
â€śWELL, NOT ME,â€ť I wanted to scream.
I have never been more humiliated, but at the same time it was pretty funny.Â I laughed out loud all the way home.Â
I walked over to tell my neighbor, Brenda, about my latest gaff.Â (Sheâ€™s keeping a list.)
Between tears, she said, â€śYou know what that looks like, donâ€™t you? Looks like you had a pretty wild time last night.â€ť
Oh, gee.Â I never thought of that.
But I learned a valuable lesson.Â Never cut church without a good reason and always, always, check your hoodies for hidden articles of clothing.Â
If it had been my Godzilla panties, I would have died on the spot.
Â I also learned that God has a wicked sense of humor.Â I can hear a big â€śGOTCHAâ€ť in the sky.
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who lives in Starkville. She edits a website for retired bouncing baby boomers and welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com.View more articles in: