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I was born a skeptic. The weather man says it will snow and I scoff because, frankly, it typically only snows when there has been no mention of it in the forecast.
The guy from the â€śGuvmentâ€ť says heâ€™s here to help and I let out a unladylike hoot, because we all know thatâ€™s unlikely. But on the road to skepticism, Iâ€™ve had to pass through the valley of gullibility which materializes when I hear about something healthy that is also fun and tasty.
When it comes to diet and health, I tend to be a tad more lenient especially when miracles are promised. A friend of mine has assumed the role of my cancer coach and he has put me on a diet of flaxseed oil frothed up in the blender with cottage cheese. He tried to make me believe it tastes like oatmeal, but my nose feels like itâ€™s been snorting cold cream laced with motor oil.
He has also got me taking an extract produced from a Asian fungi commonly known as â€śdancing mushrooms.â€ť So far, it hasnâ€™t improved my performance on the dance floor, but itâ€™s still early. This parasitic extract grows on the caterpillars of particular moths. Yum.
Iâ€™ve been following the protocol quite faithfully â€” well, up to a point. When he told me I must cut out all sugar (which includes white flour, potatoes, pasta and white rice), I became skeptical again. Surely something as finger licking good as milk chocolate kisses and gooey cupcakes could never harm us.
And how on earth does one celebrate a birthday without cake and ice cream?
I changed my mind when I read that losing the sugar could take 20 years off my looks. My inner skeptic went back to sleep and my gullible side stood at attention. Iâ€™m in. To prove it, I polished off a half of a Karo Pecan Pie which had been lurking in the freezer since Christmas Day.
On Jan. 1, I began my diet of vegetables, low-sugar fruits and limited lean meats. I fully expect to look 30 years old again by Easter (okay, make that 45).
Anything processed which comes in a convenient package is now off limits. Perusing the grocery ads this week, I noticed that 90 percent of their promotional items were processed â€” like fruit loops, TV dinners and snacks like Fiddle Faddles.
Come on Mr. Grocer, help us out here. I do compliment Kroger on its new â€śSimple Truthâ€ť line of organics. They are on special this week and Iâ€™ll be stocking up for next month when empty snacks designed for Super Bowl parties tempt us to toss our good intentions to the wind.
Emily Jones isÂ a retired journalist who edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at http://www.deludeddiva.com.View more articles in: