Learn how to get the most out of your marriage today

July 23, 2011

Do you have a marriage that you want to improve or you’ve already developed a good relationship that you want to keep for a lifetime? Each of us desires someone to love and someone we can love in return. I am simply talking about someone we can share friendship, laughter, work, caring and support through the good times as well as the hard times in life. Can partners stay together and love each other forever? Yes. Here are just a few ways to protect the love and happiness in your marriage.
u Peace in the home- After working all day and experiencing the hostile and harsh everyday problems, you need a place of refuge, peace, consolation and love. Refuge is a place of rest from danger and distress. Conflicts are a common part of relationships but, you got to handle the matters with respect. If you want to have a great relationship, the way you handle differences matters more than what those differences are. One of the most frustrating patterns that many couples encounter occurs when one partner tends to pursue talking about issues and the other partner withdraws. Unfortunately, men can come to believe that women like to criticize, and women can come to believe that men just don’t care. We are just different. If a couple know how to talk safely about whatever they need to talk about, and if they know how to regulate negative emotions, they will be able to talk without fighting.
Resist the temptation to be negative, agree not to fight, and make every effort to treat each other with honor and respect. Remember, when you wrong your spouse, you are actually doing it to yourself.
u Do your part and be responsible- Marriage is not solo, but a duet. In other words, it takes two to reach what one cannot reach along. This means that you agree to not fight destructively, to commit yourself to keeping fun and friendship in your marriage, and to make the relationship a safe emotional harbor. Marriages are much more successful when each partner does his or her part. Far too often, when people think their partner is being unfair or is behaving inappropriately, they feel relieved of the responsibility to be the best partner they can be. Respectfully, you need to hold up your end of the relationship even when you don’t think your partner is doing his or her share. Remember, two wrongs don’t make it right. Somebody has to set the right example of showing love and maintaining peace and not allow the situation to escalate. Just as a guideline: write down everything you do for your partner and everything your partner do for you and if your list is shorter than their list, it means you’re lacking in your service; when you lack in your service you are lacking in your love.” Ouch.
u Open the Doors to Intimacy-Many studies highlights the best routes you can take to protecting and preserving a lasting love is focusing on the tunnels of love and the bridges over trouble waters. We all know that conflicts are inevitable and need to be handled, but people do not get and stay married to handle conflict together “till death do us part.” They want to be married for all the great things relationships offer: deep friendship, companionship, spirituality, fun, passion, parenting, and connection with the core values of life. You must nurture these most wonderful aspects of relating if they are to bloom into fruition. So as you move forward on your journey, make a commitment to keep fun and friendship alive and thriving. Remember, if there are no deposits; there can be no withdrawals.