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The new face of terrorism

August 26, 2011

I had a good chuckle this week when I heard that some travel writer has dubbed Paula Deen “the most dangerous woman in America.”
Good. Maybe he and the self proclaimed kitchen Gestapo will stay away from our beloved “Suthern” cuisine – and more grits and buttah for us all, Ya’ll!
Has “terrorist” become the latest moniker to bestow on someone you don’t like? If Paula is a terrorist, then what does that make my Southern grandmother who took biscuits and cream gravy to a new level. (AND DON’T NOBODY SLAM MY MAM-MA.)
Yet, I've begun to suspect Paula IS a secret agent for Al Qaeda, assigned to kill us slowly with her stealth-burger bomb. I watched her make it on the Food Network recently. She plopped a fried egg and bacon on top of a greasy burger and served it on a split glazed donut bun. This was a tad extreme even for me!
It was like watching a train wreck. My pulse rate and blood pressure went through the roof! Partake and lights out, folks! Reserve this to serve at a luncheon honoring your worst enemies or a Congressional caucus..
Michael Vick wouldn’t serve his dogs such a treat. But, hey. If Paula were a true terrorist, she would have battered the egg/burger/donut sandwich and deep fried it in melted lard.
I’ve also watched her batter and deep-fry macaroni and cheese served with a lasagne sandwich. If that doesn't give you instant Type II diabetes, I don't know what would..
"The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen," said Anthony Bourdain, of the travel network. "She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is (expletive) bad for you, plus, her food sucks."
Mr. Bourdain should have thought twice before belittling the Queen of Southern Cuisine. She’s big enough to hold him down and force- feed him deep fried butter until until he explodes.
Paula has simply mastered the old military maneuver of “shock and awe” which was designed to defeat an adversary by swift action against their ability to resist.
All’s fair in love and war.
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com.

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