Skip to main content

Murphy’s lesser known laws

December 3, 2011

Surely you’ve had moments when Murphy’s Law invades your territory. You know the old adage - “Any thing that can go wrong, probably will.”
Surprisingly, this law was only discovered in 1949 – about the same time I made my debut on earth. I’m wondering if I was adopted by a man named Murphy, because I have all his genes.
My twist on the universal law is more like “if I can botch something up, I go out of my way to do so.”
I have been running my life according to Murphy’s Law for as long as I can remember. Here are a few new ones I’ve discovered in my attempt to master Murphy’s Law.
u The flashlight is a device for storing dead batteries. I have three and all are dead as doornails.  I found that out last night when I attempted to go out back to shut the door of the greenhouse. I had to plug a lamp into a long extension cord and carry it out into the darkness.
u The Jell-O will never set up if there is anyone but you in the house, ditto for pecan pies. I didn’t discover this until Thanksgiving Day;
u My plumbing is somehow connected to the doorbell. It never clogs up until guests arrive;
u The shinbone is a device for locating the corner of the coffee table in the dark. I found that out last night when I attempted to wander through my newly rearranged living room in the dark;  
u  When you reorganize the tool shed or the silver drawer be prepared to jumble it all up again while looking for something in the place where it used to be;
u He who laughs last thinks slowest. I guess I’m a slow thinker, but I’m a fast walker which accounts for most of my mishaps;
u If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. I discovered that my left foot is a full size larger than the right and I’ve been limping for almost a decade. I wish shoe stores would begin selling “separates” so I can walk again;
u Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. I still have every piece of my first (and ugliest) china pattern, and only about three pieces of my Mother’s beautiful Haviland pattern; 
Someone sent me instructions on how to cope with Murphy’s law.
Step 1:  Butter a piece of toast.
Step 2: Think of two or more things that could happen if you dropped it. Are any of these more likely to happen if you are wearing suede shoes or just bought a beautiful oriental rug for your kitchen? 
Step 3: Drop the toast.
Step 4: Say “Hmm, I thought that would happen.” See? You are back in complete control.

Emily Jones is a retired journalist who edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com.

View more articles in:
Pasta, bread, pizza crusts, peanut butter, fried foods, beef, even certain types of chips — these are all foods that...
The memories of April 21, 2008 when we went to the Boston Marathon still lingered in our hearts and souls on April 15...
Emily Jones Deluded Diva My neighbor, (I'll call her Brenda for the sake of anonymity), is one of the best things that...
By RUTH MORGAN For Starkville Daily News General Wiley Norris Nash was one of Mississippi as well as Starkville’s most...
Creation is imagination, and being a visual artist I'm attempting to be creative, inventive, and imaginative. To...

 

Premium Drupal Themes by Adaptivethemes