Someone once said “There is a sucker born every minute.” I prefer to think I’m just a tad gullible.
I wake up each new day, ready to try some new “off-the-wall home remedy” for whatever is plaguing me at the moment.
u I paid $50 to have my ear stapled with a special metal that promised to control my appetite. Within days, I became ravenous, gained six pounds and had to go back and pay another $20 to have the thing removed;
u I cleaned out my bathtub with Easy Off oven cleaner which promised it would make the vintage claw-footed tub look like new. (It did, but I’m wondering about the shape of my plumbing.);
u I drove all the way to Tuscaloosa to purchase a special brand of apple cider vinegar that promised to cure joint pain if I swigged it straight up each morning. I tried it, but it did little more than eat the enamel off my teeth. (Perhaps I will spray my teeth with the oven cleaner and they will sparkle again - like my tub.);
u I mixed up a huge pot of instant grits and went ant hunting when I read fire ants would blow up and explode if I plopped some grits on their mound. All I got were monster ants that gnawed the end off my front porch;
u I made a facial mask from used coffee grounds and smeared it on my face with a little Vaseline. This home remedy worked beautifully, and left my skin dewy and glowing. Unfortunately, I decided to sit out back on my courtyard while letting it work its magic and the meter reader showed up. I haven’t seen him since;
My latest “home remedy” is perhaps the most revolutionary yet. My friend, Pam, told me about “oil pulling.” Have you heard about it?
Each morning upon rising, and before eating or drinking anything, you swig a mouthful of olive oil and swish it around for 20 minutes; spit it out and go about your business.
Now, hold on. It’s not as bad as it sounds, especially when you learn it’s supposed to cure gum disease, arthritis, sinus trouble, and makes your teeth whiter. No joke. Google “oil pulling” and you’ll read all the glowing testimonials.
I figure it can’t hurt, and maybe, just maybe, this one will work. More likely, this remedy was created by an executive with Bertolli, or one of the olive oil manufacturers to boosts sales. Ditto for the grits and oven cleaner.
So is oil pulling equivalent to snake-oil pulling? I don’t know, but I’m keeping an open mind (while trying to keep my brains from falling out). It may only be the placebo effect, but I feel great. I feel like whistling but can’t get any traction.
Emily Jones is a retired journalist who edits a website for bouncing baby boomers facing retirement. She welcomes comments at www.deludeddiva.com.